Not Wasted Time. But Rather Needed Time.

I must say this whole thing has all been an experience. Thats the only thing I can really say about it. Moving to Utah. Making myself believe that I hated almost every minute of it. My mind has been telling me this the second I got out of that car. But for the first time I see how much love and enjoyment I have had this whole time. That feeling of love has come from my heart which I have ignored until now.

There is something about me that has changed. I am still the lovable giddy Cera, but some of the things that I used to accept are for some reason not right to me anymore. I dont see how people live their lives the way I used to. I have no desire to go back. I have felt such love from family and seen reasons for things. Answers to questions I have had for months.

Questions as.. Why did I ever come out here? Why do I have to deal with this? Why did the lord put me right in the middle of a place I dont want to be in?
Well in little ways he has shown me light. This is the first time I have seen how much the lord really knows me. I have always said that the lord knows me better then anyone, but never actually experienced anything that shows me his plans for me.
This time I have. I came out here on a limb. With a helping hand for my family. I felt as though I was taken advantage of and they took the whole arm, not just my hand. Then aferward have left me to fend for myself. Which may or may not have been the case but it really was for a reason. It sounds weird but though all of this and much more experience the lord has shown me how families are really supposed to be. The way I have grown up...with a broken family isnt the way its ment to be. This was to show me how to make a family work and last. To choose things for myself, yes. But for my family at the same time. I see it and I know now that I need that foundation and love to begin my own family. To marry and have children some day. The life for me and them.

I have always said that I need to trust in the lord. I havent really known what that truly means until now. I know now how to truly trust in the lord. I know that he really does have plans for me. And in hard times there really is light at the end of each trial.

I believe that this was not wasted time at all for my life, but rather needed time in my life.
Needed for me to succeed. Needed for me to realize happiness. Needed for me to see truth.
I know this life isnt rainbows and hasnt been and wont be from here on out, but I most definitely know what is right for me now. I was looking for happiness in the wrong places. Happiness sometimes is right in front of you when you dont even realize it.