My Love❤

I figure...sitting in the rain on a stormy night. Listening to the raindrops hit everything imaginable...is the best way to let your mind wonder and think. Well at least for me it is. 

I can't believe how much I have grown and learned. Even in this year alone. Yes you can say...I am a lesbian and this week I have heard more about lesbians and gays then I have probably in my whole life. The ban on same sex marriage has been striked down an is now awaiting trial to make it perminant. Which I don't know if it ever will. 

People just like my dad and family are the ones fighting against my, and many other gay couple's, right to be married. 

When you have been close to your family your whole life..and all of a sudden they want nothing to do with you anymore because you have come out to tell them that you are in love. 

Some of the things my own father has said and won't ever apologize for. All because of a religion that has been shoved down all of our throats our whole lives. 

Yeah those words will stick with me for the rest of my life. I will remember that on my wedding day when you think you'll be walking me down the isle...and you probably won't even be there. Because an invitation got "accidentally" stuck in the trash or "forgot" to be mailed. Or when I have my first baby..  You won't be there. Because you never got a phone call saying that I was in labor. 

Ooops sorry dad. Sorry family. All because I am too "evil" and "confused" all because "I don't know what I was thinking" 

I hope those things stick with you for the rest of your lives. 

That's all. No big. You just won't be there. Just like I won't be there for anything important in your lives. Because you think I am a sinner and I should change and be someone I am not..in your eyes. 

I have a wonderful person that loves me unconditionally. And her family loves me as if I am one of their own. I never asked for such kindness from anyone. But they took me in..without question. Now that's a family. Loves you no matter who you are or who you love. 

There are no words that can describe how much love I have for Andi. I never thought I could love a person so much in my life. I had never seen it. 

My sight of love was my parents fighting all the time. I think I only saw love on holidays or in front of extended family..

Even then it wasn't anything compared to the love I have with Andi. 

I can't wait for the day to look in her eyes and say I do. I can't wait for that day that she is holding my hand while I'm in labor with our babies. I can't wait to wake up everyday with her next to me for the rest of our lives. Even tomorrow morning. Every damn day. 

Because I LOVE her. More then life.more then anything in this world. I sure as hell chose me a good one. I love you baby. 

I am happy. And I know my mother would be nothing but happy for me. 

I know she would love Andi. And maybe one day when we all meet again in heaven she will meet and love my Andi. Just as I imagine she will. 

Stuck in the mud? Not my boot!

Life keeps moving. Time never stops. You can't let time leave you behind. 

In my mind its like walking through a big field of mud. You can't make time go faster then it will let you. The mud won't let you run faster then a walk. If you stop you may sink. If you sink deeper and deeper without moving. It's like time is leaving you behind. It's harder for you to get out of it. If you keep walking through the mud. It's like you're continuing on with life even if its tough to get out of some spots. Even if the mud makes you sink a little or a lot. Keep moving. 

Yes things happen in your life. But you are the only one who can keep moving on. It's your life. Others are there for support but its up to you. They have their own life to continue with. 

These things are coming out of my mind. And I do believe this. I see every bit of it everyday.  

As for me I have to remind myself frequently to keep walking or I will sink. I can't let myself sink. 

I have sunk before. Dwelled on the past and all it does is make unhappiness and sadness come into play. 

Sitting in public you see everyone continuing to move. Continuing with life. Even if you feel that you can't continue with walking through the mud at this time...just think every morning people get up and go to work and continue with their lives. Life goes on. Time will continue. And leave you behind. 

Stuck in the mud. 

Don't stay stuck in the mud. Pull your boot out of the sunkin hole and keep sloshing through the wet ground. Don't get left behind. 

Surrounding yourself with the people you love helps with this. Anytime you feel stuck. There is always a hand to help you pull that boot out.  

I am lucky to have that. I have a family and someone that I love that is there with a hand and a smile to help me. I thank The Lord every day for my blessings and the people he has placed in my life with love and support. As well as the people in my life..i know my mom is watching over me every day. Making sure I don't sink. Cheering me on. I know she is proud of me in everything I do. 

This life is mine. Stuck in the mud?? Not my boot! Hell no!