Well how should i begin? There is so many choices. umm well lets start with the moment...
For the moment I am living in Provo,Ut. It is one of my mistakes that I made that I must now find a way out of and back on my feet.
I have a big habbit of building myself up and then making a choice that I think is for the better and it ends up only being for the worse. I trust people too much. I become blinded. In a way I become dumb.
This is not how my parents taught me to handle things. Well its not how my mom taught me. My dad is in his own world now and i am not apart of it. I simply dont mind so much. i acctually enjoy not being his center of attention.
It is always hard for me to make choices for myself. People make choices everyday.. so why is it so hard?? i guess i dont get it.. im so used to making decisions for other people and not myself. How is this going to help them? Are they going to approve?? Well i guess i just answered my own question.. I make choices for other people!
Wow im winnner. :)
I know i can make it through this because i always seem to get myself right out of the hole i dug. No matter how deep it may be. That is one thing i took from my mom that i like. No matter how mad she got.. or how much of a mistake she made.. she always got out of it with a smile on her face. Thats mee :)
Okayy..my past.... i come from a broken family that tried so hard to hold it together. But life always keeps going and time changes people. which made everything fall apart. it seemed to be for the better in the end though. My parents split when i turned 13. I lived with mom in a broken but happy home. Until the brokenness completely tore apart. I then was forced to live with my dad. and did until the day i turned 18. when i was 15 right before my freshman year of highschool. i get a phone call with the news that my mom had died that morning. my bestfriend? gone? thats not possible.. but it was possible and very real. I held back my tears and and that next week i said my goodbyes and buried my bestfriend.
The things that went through my mind i can not explain. It was just too much for me to bare.
Its been over 5 years and it still hurts as much as that week. It will never go away. But the only thing i can do now is make my life a good one. and for my future children... make their life worth living. i want them to have a bestfriend for a mom. and a mom that they will look up to and love just as much as i love mine.
life goes on.. and i will go on and live my life happy. it didnt start out so great but i am determinded to make it that way. It will end great!
Alright... so me at this very moment. Its Christmas this week.. and i am about to bust out of utah. and disappoint about 70% of the family. Merry Christmas Allphin Family! :) Surprise! Cera is not your pupppet anymore! i hope you have a good one! bahahaha
Wow this is going to go over great. Wish me luck! Here in a few weeks Ill be sure to let you all know how everything goes.
"Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am way over my head. Maybe i will fall. But who isn't crazy. Who doesn't strive for high goals. And I will always get right back up.."
This quote is from my mind about a year ago. i remember the day i wrote it. and it seems to have stuck to me.
it has been on my mind so much this past week. because it shows that i am strong. it shows i am determind. It shows the real Cera.
No matter what. I know exactly who i am and i am choosing for my life.
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