Why do things have to be the way they are? why does life have to be an endless wreck?
It never really ends. we run into a wall, then pass over it and run right into another one.
Today is Christmas and I seem to have so much hate in my heart. The morning was cheerful and wonderful. but as time went on through the day it seemed to plumit quickly. I am in a hole that I seem to not be able to get out of very easily. Running through my mind has been... i hate this place. i hate everything that i deal with. i hate how strong i always have to be. i hate that its not fair that i dont have my mom like everyone else does. only one person in the world knows me like she did. i hate how i am torn from her family this year. the family i always spend Christmas with. i hate christmas.... Every year i seem to cry and cry. i dread christmas day and it never should be like that. This year i didnt dread it. i was excited. just like everyother person in this stupid place. but the reality monster hit me and BAM. another tear filled Christmas....
Mom, i miss you. i miss your smile. i miss your singing. i still remember your smell. oh how i miss that. i remember you waking me up every morning with your voice ringing out. any song that came to mind. i miss harmonizing with you. and you teaching me how to make my voice ring out like yours. i never could sound as beautiful as you did. i still remember the first time i heard your voice perform. my mouth dropped in awe. i miss you brushing your fingers through my hair till i fell asleep. i miss my hair in your braids. i miss your personality. i miss my bestfriend. and i know your looking down on me everyday with a smile. knowing what is in store for me and knowing that i am going to make it through this hard time just fine. just like i have before. you know.. im going to cry. its going to happen. and i may never fully get over it. but i will put that smile on eventhough it really isnt fair and i will make it through. i really have nothing more to say.
Other then.... Merry Christmas.
No comments:
Post a Comment