So as you may know I work in a hospital. I see sick and dying people everyday. My job is not the happiest place to be. It weighs on me and constantly plays with my emotions. But the accomplished feeling and the people I work with are incredible and make it worth working there. The patients I work for could have anything from a femur fracture to respiratory failure. So it's my job to keep an open mind and have compassion. Of course I have seen it all. I walk into a room and expect anything after so many times of being surprised.
I've noticed that my job is so much like my personal life now. I have been "surprised" too many times that I am numb to the fact and I walk through life expecting anything. My life surprises are weighing heavily on my emotions. I kinda feel like I can't take it anymore.
A patient may all of a sudden scream out and say that he can't breathe. Hyperventilating and screaming the man struggles and makes his body work harder to retrieve the oxygen.
Well just like that patient I feel like I'm screaming! Gasping for the breaths I need in life and my body isn't retrieving the oxygen. I can't breathe! I am so close to surrendering white flag in hand. My lifeline is the people in my life that help me through.. All of those people seem to have moved on with their kids and their husbands. I don't understand why this concept of getting married and having babies is so hard on me. Why would I care so much. Probably because my mom is gone. And I'm gasping for the oxygen or in other words the need of companionship. It's commonsense to know that you need oxygen to survive. As well as needing people in your life. Needing that companionship. On the same note i am trying to keep a level head on all of this. Although the concept of fighting for oxygen makes it a little hard to keep level headed. I must keep a smile on my face and figure it all out for myself. I may just need to turn up the oxygen somehow.
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